Gregg you crack me up. The idea that you would open a gay bar next to all those closet case homophobes from the mosque, is a brilliant idea. That said I would encourage any of my greater New York Metropolitan area readers, of which there are more than a few, to support Gregg by stopping in for an occasional drink. To all you hard hats, don’t worry- you can drink your beer out of the bottle and stand with your back to the wall. To those who are comfortable with themselves and aren’t really looking for a little fudge you can drink out of a glass. Also ask if you can bring your dog with you and walk them outside before you come into the bar – do not, I repeat do not, under any circumstances bring your pooper scooper. With a little luck Gregg might inspire those Muslims still in the closet to come in for some manly company, a few drinks and if brave enough – maybe a little fudge and maybe develope a little fondness for mans best friend. One last thing, in case you’re wondering I am addicted to woman and drink my beer out of the bottle. Salud! WM
By Gregg Guttfield – The Daily Gut.com, September 2, 2010
So, the Muslim investors championing the construction of the new mosque near Ground Zero claim it’s all about strengthening the relationship between the Muslim and non-Muslim world. As an American, I believe they have every right to build the mosque – after all, if they buy the land and they follow the law – who can stop them? Which is, why, in the spirit of outreach, I’ve decided to do the same thing.
I’m announcing tonight, that I am planning to build and open the first gay bar that caters not only to the west, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park51, in an available commercial space.
This is not a joke. I’ve already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance.
As you know, the Muslim faith doesn’t look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I’m building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.
The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to men of Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night, to accommodate men who would rather keep their sexuality under wraps – but still want to dance.
Bottom line: I hope that the mosque owners will be as open to the bar, as I am to the new mosque. After all, the belief driving them to open up their center near Ground Zero, is no different than mine.
My place, however, will have better music.
To expand a vein on Clems idea; By the Americans with Disabilities Act, wouldn’t they have to provide access to seeing eye dogs for blind worshipers?
WOW! Things are really under way at the proposed Mosque in NYC. Read this News Letter that has been just released. —– Pete
The “Grounder”
Congregation Newsletter from the Ground Zero Mosque
What’s Going On at the GZM (Ground Zero Mosque) This Week?
Prayer Rugs for the Needy:
We’re collecting prayer rugs for the needy. Please put all gently worn prayer rugs in the bin right next to the Stoning Wall. We’ll be distributing them next Thursday, so please make sure to put your donation in the bin before then.
Newlyweds Social Group:
Just got married? Confused about what happens next? It’s hard to make a marriage work in 2010, and we’re here to help. For guys, we talk in an open and supportive environment about learning your wife’s name, understanding her limitations, and beating her with a bag full of oranges. For the gals, it’s All about Obedience. Tea and cakes are served (separately) after the sessions. It’s really a great way to meet other newlyweds and to realize that Hey! We’re not alone! We meet every week in the Crimes of Judaism Conference Room. To sign up or for more info, just e-mail makingmarriagework@groundzeromosque.org
Youth Group Picnic & Stoning:
Where: Ft. Tryon Park
When: This Saturday
What: The youth group has been doing some amazing work this year—we’ve raised a lot of money for the new Teen Hangout Center in the basement of the main hall—and we’re celebrating with a picnic! And a stoning!
What to Bring: Frisbees, a boom box for listening to audio tapes of the great imams, hot-dog buns, a great attitude!
What to Wear: Sweaters in case of cold weather, heavier burqas. Gals: Remember to bring the burqas with the slightly larger eyeholes for Ultimate Frisbee.
What You Can Do: Please consider pitching in, either in the morning before the picnic to help set up tables and chairs and the barbeque, or maybe you can help gather smooth, tossable stones from the nearby river bank, or maybe there’s a special person in your life who you feel needs to be stoned to death (nominees due via e-mail by Tuesday AT THE LATEST!!!!!!). The key is to get involved!!! The Youth Group is only as strong as YOU make it!!! You get out of it what you put into it!!!! Any ?? or thoughts, see us after morning call to prayer or e-mail youthgroup@groundzeromosque.org
Recovery Programs at the GZM:
Canceled due to eternal damnation.
Outreach Fellowship Meeting:
This year, the Outreach Fellowship is making it a major goal to reach out to other local places of worship (that aren’t befouled by Jews) in the neighborhood (except the Jewish parts). We’re trying to recruit some outgoing, not-overly-angry folks from the congregation to appear at local events, town halls, etc. and remind folks that we’re just ordinary, run-of-the-mill everyday types.
Neighbors and friends and regular folks:
All volunteers will receive extensive media training on how to stay on message, how to speak to groups, and how to talk to an uncovered woman without throttling her and calling her a whore. Please e-mail outreach@groundzeromosque.org for more information.
Gay ’n’ Grounded:
The gay Koran study group at the Ground Zero Mosque has unfortunately disbanded due to the sudden death of all of its members after they spontaneously burst into flames. We’re trying to recruit another group. If you suspect anyone of being a potential member of this group, please let us know immediately.
Blood Drive Next Week:
Next week is the kickoff to our annual Blood Drive, and we’re hoping that all members of the congregation will do their part to make this year’s Blood Drive the Best Ever!!!!! Please collect as much Jewish blood as you can!!!!
Announcements:
Anyone who thinks he saw my wife speaking freely to the UPS man—signing for a package, showing the top of her right hand as she held the stylusthingy—PLEASE let me know immediately. Am trying to get Tuesday morning off (my supervisor at work is a real pain) to exact an honor killing. Thanks! See Ramzi in the outreach office.
Have two tix to Lady Gaga concert, willing to exchange for powdered explosives. Please e-mail pillarofflame@caliphate.gov.sa
Trying to arrange a marriage for my 13-year-old daughter:
She’s compliant and very quiet. Totally illiterate. A great catch. Looking for husband somewhere between 60 and 90 years old. Dowry negotiable. Interested in barter. Please e-mail me at coldpressedimporting@aol.com
Your photo gets hers, although she’s entirely covered.
Not into endless e-mailing. MUST BE SERIOUS.
Have an announcement or group you’d like us to know about? Just drop us a line at thegrounder@groundzeromosque.org and we’ll be sure to include it in the next issue of
The Grounder! Remember: It’s your GZM!
Given the Muslim aversion to the biological family of carnivorous and omnivorous mammals that includes the wolves, foxes, jackals, coyotes, and the domestic dog it would behove us in the spirit of diversity and inclusiveness to acquaint these religion of peaceniks to the wonders and glories of dog ownership. I am therefore proposing the opening of a pet store next to the gay bar that is opening next to the mosque. If the financial backers of the mosque who are now rumored to have donated to terrorists are denied permission to build we will have a community of gay islamic men walking their dogs but having nowhere to pray.
While you’re on that project, I’ll see if i can find some investors willing to open up a BBQ grill on the other side… love me some baby back pork ribs…